Besk Kept Secret
by Sunlitsmile
Summary: A collection of drabbles that span over Ariana's life in no particular order: her devotion to Aberforth, her adoration of Albus, her happinesses, weaknesses, passions, desires, and how, though she is always forgetting, some things are never forgotten.
1. About Ari

**Warning**: This story jumps all over the map of Ariana's life. It also details the experiences of an individual with PTSD, and so, I will also claim "TRIGGER WARNING" for references to rape. DO NOT READ THIS IF IT WILL UPSET YOU. This, mixed in with all the headcanon I've built up around her. And yes, my Ari speaks in complete sentences :P Mostly.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Ariana (though I wish I did) or anything related to Harry Potter. I am NOT J. K. Rowling.

**Ariana "Ari" Dumbledore**

_Age_: Varies… mostly in pre-teens and during the time that Grindelwald was around.

_Likes:_ Cold air, midnight, nature, Tales of Beadle the Bard, big warm blankets, autumn, flowers, knitting, the stars, Abe, animals and not being scared.

_Dislikes:_ Being controlled, losing control, being afraid, loud noises, arguing, shouting, bullies, being called crazy, hurting people, vomit.

_Treasures:_ Her hummingbird ornament, her glass bluebird, her stuffed dog named Megpenny, candles, her pillow with blue roses on it, the wooden flute Abe gave her.

_Strengths_: Clever, determined, compassionate, sweet, inclusive, generous, forgiving and entertaining.

_Weaknesses:_ Insane, fearful, sheltered, naïve, overreacts and lashes out, quick temper, horrible past, cannot handle conflict.

_Drive:_ She is not driven toward anything but being a Mom.

_Needs:_ Security above all else.

_Biggest Fear:_ Losing control and hurting someone.

_Deepest Desire:_ Herself, stable and doing well in school, free from the house, with her family and friends feeling very proud of her.

Ariana lives with her two brothers, Aberforth "Abe" Dumbledore and Albus "Al" Dumbledore, their parents (occasionally, depending on the time the chapter is set in) and gets visits from Bathilda Bagshot and her young nephew, Gellert Grindelwald (again, occasionally). They live together in a wooden cottage in a small village called Godric's Hollow.

Because of her inability to deal with conflict, Ariana has had a hard time in life. It doesn't help that she has also been through more abuse than most people have – between her parent's sheltering & control, the bullying of other children and the guilt of feeling like she pulls her family apart, Ariana has developed many problems. These mainly lie in disassociation, false memories, delusions, extreme anxiety, repression, and Magic that runs amok from her whenever she feels a strong negative emotion, especially guilt or shame. Because of these things, Ari spends most of her time at home seeking comfort – which can be very difficult with two very different brothers, one of whom having a tremulous relationship with her, while the other is distant.

But basically, Ari tries. It doesn't always work out well, but she tries.


	2. Something To Do: Age 9

**Something To Do **_(Age 9)_

Ariana didn't often have something to do. She mostly just sat around daydreaming, leaving her stressed and out-of-touch with the world. Her Day Dreams could be bad, though they were never a match for her Night Dreams.

_No, don't think about that!_

Abe often tried to convince her to come out of her room and play games, do sports or something productive. Al didn't seem to notice. More often, she and Abe fed goats.

But sometimes, Ari would write. Her Mother had taught her. She wasn't good with poetry, though she was fine with limericks, and she was no Shakespeare, but she could manage. Even Al was impressed. Sometimes. When he chose to look.

It seemed to Ari that families weren't supposed to put things on hold; they were supposed to overcome them.

After all, playing sure beat studying all the time.


	3. Sheep: Age 8

**Sheep **(Age 8)

If Aberforth liked goats, then Ariana liked sheep – particularly lambs.

She couldn't eat one if she tried, and always refused it whenever Mummy made it.

She loved their innocence, gentleness and grace. She loved their fluffy coats. She loved the sounds that they made. She loved how they looked when they were just learning how to walk; stumbling over themselves, knobby, frail and clumsy.

Sometimes when Ariana was sad or lonely, or if she had just had an episode, she would retreat to her bedroom and gather all of her woollen clothing. She would pile them on her bed and pretend that she was surrounded by lambs, burying her face in their wool and crying her heart out.

This fantasy sometimes comforted her in ways that Aberforth couldn't. She imagined her "pet" sheep to be warm and friendly and sweet. She named it "Clumsy", and it was one of her favourite imaginary friends.

She always wanted a pet sheep like Abe had his pet goats, but Abe never bought her one for some reason. He said that she would miss it too much if it were gone. He said it was dangerous for her to have a pet sheep, and she didn't understand why.

She really wanted a pet sheep.


	4. Between Natures: Age 13

Between Natures (Age 13)

Ariana missed going outside, greeting the flowers and trees with a sunny smile. She missed rolling clouds that she could lie under, observing their shape as they danced and billowed and became something else unto themselves. She missed the feel of rain on her skin, the feel of rocks under her bare feet, the scent of the wind tickling her nose.

Ariana hadn't gone outside in a long, long time.

She was a captive in her home, somewhere between the girl she had once been and the girl whom she wanted to be. In here, she was surrounded by porcelain flowered teapots, ponds of water at her washstand, sturdy wooden chairs, and she supposed she could pretend that she was in a forest.

But it wasn't a forest, no, no, it wasn't a forest, it was the make believe of a child and she wouldn't stand for any of it, not anymore.

"Mummy, why can't I go outside?" Ari would plead. "I know that I'll shriek that the sun is too bright, and that any loud noises will upset me; but Mummy, please, please, why can't I go outside and roll down a hill or bask in the meadow?"

"Because, Ariana," Her Mummy would say. "Then people would see you."

"But why is that so bad?" Ari would ask.

There would be no more answers that day.


	5. Things That Make Ari Happy (Age 8)

**Ariana's List of Things That Make Her Happy **(Age 8)

Flowers, (esp. roses, bluebels, lilys, yellow daisys and irisis.)

Abe.

Megpenny (my pet stuffed dogy. She's 6!)

Thundr storms.

Animals. (Less scary than pepol.)

Wind chimes in the sumer.

Al's big sweater.

Al in a good mood.

Mumy's perfoom.

Fairee tales.

Braids.

Geting leters.

Hamsteers.

Coloured buttuns.

Mumy's tea coloured eyes.

Liying in the sun.

My prety heart necklace.

Stars.

Wishis.

Playing with Abe.


	6. Liebling (Age 14)

**Liebling** (Age 14)

"Gellert, would you read to me?"

The question seemed to take the older boy off-guard, but Ariana was good at ignoring people's aversion to her childishness. Albus was out of the room for a few minutes, and she wanted to take advantage of that to spend time with Gellert alone.

"Why would you want me to do that, _liebling_?" He asked, looking up from his own book. It was probably full of complicated ideals that she couldn't understand, having never been schooled, but she wanted to understand his heart, and she wanted to hear his voice.

"Just read to me, ok?"

She nestled down at his knee, leaning the side of her head against it. She heard him sigh for some reason, and lean back against the couch.

Of course, she couldn't comprehend a word of what he was saying to her. But his voice was soothing, and this was something that was important to him. It was important to her, too, but in a different way.

After all, she was his _liebling_.

"Why do you call me _liebling_?" She interrupted suddenly. "What does it mean?"

She hoped it wasn't offensive.

There was a rustle of dried pages as Gellert closed the book and sighed again, though this sigh was different from the first. Ari craned her neck to look up at him, and saw that his forefinger and thumb were pressed against the bridge of his nose. He looked pained, or embarrassed.

"_Liebling_ means "Darling" in my mother tongue," He said quietly.

Ariana's heart skipped a beat. _Darling_. A word spoken only for her; one she could understand. One that meant _dearest thing_ and _sweetheart_ and _you are precious_.

"Do you have any other names for me?" She asked, trying to recover from the surprise and wonderment.

"No."

Gellert seemed determined not to show her his expression, still sitting in that slumped, vaguely pressured pose. She wanted to stand up slowly, her hand on his knee, reach out and pull his hand from his face. She wanted to look him in the eyes, and nod in understanding. She wanted to lean in, and she wanted to…

"Gellert!"

It was Albus, coming back into the room. Arianna prayed that he didn't see how red her cheeks were, the look on Gellert's face. It would be all too much if her stuck-up brother found out that she was in love with his best friend!


End file.
